you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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