Grow some girl-balls and come out already
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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