Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize