do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You did what with his pubic hair?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
