i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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