Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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