i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
