hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
