Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
not ubering you a puppy
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
