none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
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I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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