Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
