she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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