Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
