it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
