You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize