According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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