Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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