my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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