In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
