it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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