There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
