guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
