just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
