Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
