I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
