My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
