i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
