Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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