Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
