My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
