i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
