Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
