awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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