There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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