it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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