Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
