THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
