i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
as a side note pls kill me
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