I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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