Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
