You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
