I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
