Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
