Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
In America we eat man semen.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
