just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
