I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I intend to get homeless drunk
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
