New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
