True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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