I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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