i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Come share oat with me in your robe
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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