I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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