You really coming over, don't trick.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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