Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
