I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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