Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
