Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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