Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
