My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ketchup is God's man juice
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
