Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
