just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
