Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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