Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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