I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
