I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
