shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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