I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize