Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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