So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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