omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
