Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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