Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
