It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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