I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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