so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
