It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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