The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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