Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
