Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is Oprah even human
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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